Both figuratively and literally…
I really do hate emotions and feelings. They surge and all but they just seem pointless to me. And I realise I’m Eeyore-ing but it’s been a while and I’m really tired. Not because of what happened but just because I’m tired.
Hell. I thought about leaving this post as is but I’m not into the vaguebooking attention whoring a lot of people do. A notable trait from fat people I’ve noticed.
Anyway, while the instrumental of Same Love by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis plays on a loop and before it ends, the short version is… first a cancer scare… now a suicide watch.
Ladies and gentlemen, my best friend. Who means the world to me. I know it’s triggered by her PTSD from being stabbed by an ex but being in the room while she explained the thoughts was very awkward seal really. Especially the “I’m just tired of surviving” line.
She just needs to make it through the weekend which she will. I will be calling her everyday and she knows I’m on call for her anytime. She’s a PTSD sufferer who lives alone and because she has been by herself for the last fortnight, she has gone stir crazy… and honestly, she is her own worst enemy. As are most people I guess.
I’ll always be there for her. She is a rollercoaster ride but so am I, I just don’t suffer from PTSD and rarely get depressed.
And with her being a very anti-hug person (it’s like hugging a wall), she allows me to hug her and I do my thing (hum the Victory Fanfare from Final Fantasy because it means I win).
Even though there is nothing I can do.
I’ve just hit 1000 blog posts and so see it fitting to make a list of the things I have learned from being on here.
1) Tumblr isn’t all about porn
Before I started actively blogging on Tumblr I had heard of the site. Didn’t really care for it but it did help me find some good pictures when I googled stuff… be it a turtle riding a skateboard or a gif version of a sex scene I saw in a movie. About two years ago I posted my first (and I thought last) thing on Tumblr. For reference sake, it was to do with Les Miserables, anyway, typing mostly anything into Tumblr’s search brought up at least five porn like pictures. 999 posts later, and while they still come up, I’ve come to realise that Tumblr is more than just a cross section of horny teens, 40 year old ‘pretending they are in their late teens’ lonely people (if you refer to sex as ‘breeding’ or arses/genitals as a ‘fanny’ I automatically assume you are 55+ and fat) or people with fetishes for anything and everything or want to show the interwebs how they can do themselves with a baseball bat. It’s fun just uploading stuff and having people like it. Granted with some of the stuff I create, I really should be on DeviantArt more than here but still.
2) Some people will get that a post is about them… others will be completely oblivious.
There have been a few times I’ve posted a bitch-rant about someone I know in real life (sorry kids, I prefer using all the letters on a keyboard 9 times out of 10 so no typing ‘IRL’ for me). It’s always just me venting because I’m a cunt like that. Luckily my personality online is mostly the same as my personality in reality. My friends are blessed. Haha.
I’ve been called out on some of my posts by the people who they have been about but then there are the ones that slip through unnoticed by the person they are directed at. Passive/Aggressive I know but I needed to vent and since this is MY blog, I can do so. In all honesty, I’m not sure how many were aimed at people I know and I really can’t be bothered scrolling back through 999 posts seeing either.
3) Fact checking isn’t cool when someone has a crusade like personality.
The amount of things that appear on my dashboard that are untrue or misinformed is, as the meme goes, too damn high. I’ve added my two cents where I felt the urge but reading some of the reblogs makes me cringe and laugh at the same time. Sometimes, it will pique my interest and I’ll google it and then find something else entirely about the same thing.
It seems that quite a few people, when they see something that appears on their dash that tugs on their heartstrings they reblog it, some with silly little ‘lets make me look like an ass’ comments. Since bumping into the ‘Mozart was Black’ post, the Amber Alert for a 9 year old girl (which has been floating around since 2009), the “The Tony’s Were Named After a Woman but they are Oppressing her” post and the Sexy Dig Dug post, I tend to keep this picture handy.
But there are so many armchair crusaders on Tumblr who just don’t research. I’ve always been a firm believer of the proverb, "Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear" (PS: This proverb has been mistakenly attached to Benjamin Franklin and Edgar Allen Poe. Neither said it)
4) Being a fan of something and being part of the fandom are two different things.
I’m a fan of geeky things. Doctor Who, Supernatural, Sherlock, Adventure Time, Game of Thrones and Final Fantasy to name but a few. And with some of these I guess I can say I am part of the fandoms. But being on Tumblr I’ve discovered the other side of fandoms. The “dark side” so to speak. What I have learned from some of the fandoms I follow have been:
-The Doctor Who fandom are full of arty attention whores and crossdressers (female to male only).
-The Supernatural fandom are a bunch of pretentious horndogs who would jump Jensen, Jared and Misha in a heartbeat but are a whiz on Photoshop
-The Game of Thrones fandom seem to break into two… the smug book readers, and the shocked by everything TV watchers. But both have one thing in common… they are vicious.
-For some reason the Adventure Time fandom are loveable goofs. Much like Finn I guess
-The Anime/Manga fandom tend to be hard arses who can cosplay better than most people.
-The Minecraft fandom is full of know-it-all self-righteous people who debate with the Lego fandom constantly.
-And the Sherlock fandom tend to forget that there are other cast members in the show. For every 20 posts about Benedict Cumberbatch, there will be at least two about Martin Freeman and even less for anyone that isn’t Rupert Graves or Amanda Abbington. And then most of Benedict’s post are more about how pretty he is than to do with Sherlock.
In saying that I recently unfollowed one of the fandoms because it was just getting ridiculous.
5) You’re not as anonymous as you think.
Most of Tumblr post anonymously. Thinking that they are safe which in most cases is true… unless you post some of your photos elsewhere. I do. If you reverse google image search some of my stuff, you may be taken to my Twitter, Instagram or Facebook. But I’m not really controversial when it comes to my blog.
However, one of my followers, who is anonymous in his eyes, is all about the fetish world and sex and even does erotica. However, one post showing a photo of something he was proud of, if google imaged, takes you to a forum site where the same picture was posted, which revealed his real name. He’s not catfishing. He’s genuine. But people think they are safe on Tumblr because you can be anonymous. And online… anonymous is a term one should use loosely.
6) Haters Gonna Hate; Players Gonna Play; Crusaders Gonna Crusade.
One major thing I’ve noticed about Tumblr is the amount of hate that happens. But that’s the thing with the interwebs. You can let all your inhibitions out from the safety of your keyboard because in real life, you can’t do that. Unless you’re me who constantly talks without a filter.
And then there are the ‘crusaders’, those people that get all up in everyones business preaching about feminism, homophobia, gender identity, “rape culture” and shit like that. These people annoy me. Not because of their opinion but because they are doing the exact thing they are crusading against. If anything they sound like a tantruming child… and no one likes a tantruming child.
One of my pet hates is reading into things that kids watch and won’t get until they are older so it will safely go over their head. Accusing the movie Maleficent of promoting rape and things like that is stupid. For one, why are you thinking like a rapist? That’s sick.
Anyway, if you are going to be a crusader about something, posting it on Tumblr is fine but seriously, get off your arse and actually do something about it. Getting half a million reblogs is like getting half a million likes on Facebook. Gets attention but does sweet fuck all.